When You Feel Disconnected and Not Yourself

How do I connect to myself? Isn’t that a funny title for an exercise? Because you would think, “I’m me and so I’m always connected.” But in reality, I’d say about 95 to 98% of us are disconnected from our true selves because we began life being conformed to societal norms. We have been so taught what not to be, even if “what not to be” is actually who we are! We’ve been taught what is expected of us, even if it’s not what we want to do! And unless we learn to connect to our true self, no matter what we try not to be, no matter what expectations we conform ourselves to, we could spend our whole lives never truly feeling free.

So, it is very important that we bypass all that past experience of learning and the do’s and the don’ts and who to be and who not to be, and get into our true inner essence.

I remember when I first started to meditate and go inward. It was really not a good time in my life. I wasn’t happy. I had sold my soul into marriage, basically. And I wasn’t very happy with myself. And so when I went down inside to find my inner self, at first it was black, and I thought, “Oh my gosh, what’s wrong with me?” But I came through it. I had wonderful instructors, wonderful shamans who said, “Don’t worry. Your true essence is just hiding right now, and the more you come to visit, the more it will reveal itself to you.” Isn’t that beautiful? So I accepted the blackness, and even began to enjoy it! It was actually nice to go to a place where I was just nothing to no one; no expectations for a change. As I started to be okay with that, the real me started coming out. There’s this wonderful meditation that you can do where you actually go into your own secret garden. And my secret garden went from black to like this very old, antique, home from the Victorian area. I don’t know, that’s just what my mind revealed to me! And it would have this room that was usually slate with all these plants and a water feature. At first, it was old and decrepit. That’s my psychology playing with me, but that’s okay because it was mine. I allowed myself to feel very comfortable there for a little while. And it was in that room that I started to see a flower bloom. And that was my true essence feeling safe enough to reveal itself. I started to see that the stuff that people said about me or, or told me I couldn’t be—really had nothing to do with me. And I got okay with that. In that internal space I learned that the things people said were not very desirable qualities for a girl like me to have, like being opinionated, were actually an important part of who I am, and those important parts of me were being subdued. Many other leadership qualities that I had put into the darkness, all of a sudden, came forth with their gifts. This little secret garden inside of me brought me Forth, birthed me, or bloomed me — into really knowing the incredible person I truly am. This is what I want for you. I want for you a practice, a simple entryway, that allows you to say: “I know how to connect with me.”  

Be sure to watch the full episode for more detailed instructions on how you can journey to your own sacred space. I’m so excited for you to experience it for yourself. It could be anything! Whatever it is, just remember that it’s safe to be there, even if it looks a little scary or uninviting at first. You are complex and full of mystery. Keep returning, and you will watch your sacred place evolve and reveal itself to you in the most beautiful ways. 

Enjoy connecting with yourself this evening. Bask in the feeling of being okay with who you are right then, right there. I give these talks every Tuesday and Thursday so I look forward to our next one. Until then, remember Love is Spirit and Spirit is Love.