Spot a Narcissist?

The dating world…there are so many people out there… And if you are someone who feels accomplished, you know your stuff, maybe you’ve been doing something for a long time and you’re successful, or you’re achieving something. And then this person comes along. And I love to call that type of person a shapeshifter. That’s what I like to call them but most people call them narcissists. They are people who know exactly what to say to attract you, truly listening to who you are and delivering up your dream partner’s personality. That’s to get you started, to lure you into what seems like reality but is indeed a façade they are putting on. Here’s how you can spot them from a distance!

Identifying the narcissist.

The narcissist will most often have the tools of gaslighting and isolation in their arsenal. With these, they gradually, but systematically start to control, subdue and manipulate people into doing only what they want them to. They will use gaslighting phrases like are you sure that is how it is or don’t be hysterical, or I never said that, or it’s all in your head. They make you question your abilities, your memories, and they discount your feelings and emotions as inauthentic or inconsequential.

It happened to me too – yes, it did. As in most cases, the relationship started off really well, but after those initial halcyon days, the chinks began to appear in that oh-so-perfect façade. It started with messages that arrived just before an important meeting or event of significance to me. He would make me question my decisions, my choices, and my abilities. When I was around him, I found myself shrinking, slowly being diminished. Even when he was in spaces where he should have been an appreciative spectator at best, he would try to hold the fort, making it all about him. The relationship was truly a learning experience.

How to find a good partner after a Narcissist.

To do this, I first recommend using the four-step scientific method to spot that narcissist. The first step is observation. I found that I was always feeling unsteady in the later part of my relationship with the narcissist – the shapeshifter. I observed how I changed when I was around him. I would become self-effacing, quiet, ceding space to him, letting him decide, speak and take charge. I found that it was always me having to change and compromise to fit into his drama, and his agendas. 

It was very draining for me. The more he built himself up, the more I was diminished. I was hearing that I had to do X or Y or Z to be worthy of him and that I could no longer do A, B, or C for the same reason. I observed the gaslighting too, all the time. If I broached the subject about something that was troubling me, it was always my insecurity, my weakness, and my inabilities to blame. It was never his responsibility to look after my emotional needs but always mine to look after his. The imbalance was palpable, as were the negative impacts on my emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.

I speak more about how to identify the narcissist in your life using science as well as spiritual means in my latest video. Watch it now to know more, and to learn how to find a good partner after a narcissist. 

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