From Insecurity to Self-Confidence

You’re a loser. You’re good for nothing. You’re unattractive. You always get things wrong. You don’t have any friends. You don’t deserve any friends. You’re fat! No one loves you. You don’t deserve love. You can’t do this. Why do you even try?  Would you ever let someone say these things to your best friend? Well, you’re your best friend, right? Have you heard these things said to you? Was it your inner critic saying any of this to you? Is this what your internal conversations with yourself sound like? Do your internal conversations build you up or bring you down? 

The inner critic, this voice in our head, is what’s influencing and promoting feelings of insecurity. And today, I’m going to teach you how to overcome feelings of insecurity in three very simple, very doable, and actually very enjoyable steps. You’re going to love this.  

Are you your worst critic?

Think about the people you love – you love them in spite of how they look, how much money they have or what they own or what job they do, right? We love them for what they are inside. However, our love for ourselves tends to be a lot more conditional – in fact we are our own worst critics. Why is this so? Why do we tolerate this harshness, this negativity, and this self-flagellation from that inner critic?

The first step to learning how to overcome feelings of insecurity is to understand where the roots of this inner critic lie. Numerous studies have demonstrated how the feelings we have for ourselves as adults can be traced back to our childhood and even infancy. Our feelings of self-worth, our self-image, and confidence can be traced back to the way we were brought up; the support or abandonment we experienced back then.

Our foundational relationships in babyhood, and later as adolescents, affect not only the way we connect with others but also our relationship with ourselves. How safe and secure we felt then will project unconsciously on our feelings later in life. So in a sense, the language that the inner critic speaks is one that we learned very early on in life.  

Focus your loving energies on yourself.

Nurturing and caring for others is something that is drilled into us by society, family, and our culture. However, we are not taught to love ourselves and care for ourselves. We are not taught to appreciate our own worth, our beauty, and our specialness. Right now, take a moment to appreciate this about yourself – recognize and refocus your loving energies on yourself. Do this not just for your own wellbeing but for the wellbeing of others as well – because remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. This is why self-care is so vital. Love yourself fully. Be your own best soulmate before you can be anyone else’s.

To overcome feelings of insecurity, start with flipping that internal switch when that inner critic starts to make you feel bad about yourself. Ask yourself how would my best friend react if someone else were to speak to me the way I speak to myself? Defend yourself the same way that people who love you would. Be loving and kind to yourself, and remind yourself about how wonderful and worthy you are! Each time that inner critic raises its head to tell you you’re not good enough, reply with an emphatic I am good enough! I have two more simple steps that will help you learn how to overcome feelings of insecurity. Watch this week’s episode to know how you can, once again, start to treat yourself with love, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness.